Inventive creature design, goopy practical effects and a metal guitar soundtrack make this reworking of a Roger Corman fantasy a treat for one’s inner child

A 1980s Roger Corman swords-and-sorcery movie gets a loving remake here, as strapping antihero Deathstalker attempts to break the spell of a cursed amulet in the Kingdom of Abraxeon, with sensational low-budget creature design and lashings of goopy practical special effects where you can really feel the splatter. Said kingdom is being laid waste by the Dreadites, minions of the evil sorcerer Nekromemnon.

You’ll know how you’ll feel about this film by your response to words such as “Dreadites” and “Nekromemnon”. For many (like me), there is wondrous pleasure to be found in the ludicrousness of this nomenclature – so perfectly on the nose and so stupidly appealing to one’s inner child. Everyone else please move along, this movie is very much an acquired taste.

Fully crewed rocket will head to moon from Florida – first time since 1972 that humans will have left lower Earth orbit

A little more than an hour before sunset on Florida’s space coast, up to 400,000 people packed on beaches and causeways will look to the heavens on Wednesday to witness a fiery spectacle not seen in almost 54 years: a fully crewed Nasa rocket heading back to the moon.

The launch of Artemis II, scheduled for 6.24pm ET if weather and any late technical gremlins grant their consent, marks the first time since the Apollo 17 mission of December 1972 that humans will have left lower Earth orbit.

This isn’t just a retelling of the infamous drug lord’s life. His son shares a traumatic coming-of-age story plagued by chaos and violence – and it is like being in The Sopranos

You’d be forgiven for thinking that we didn’t need another TV series about the drug kingpin Pablo Escobar’s life, and that it’s been milked for all its worth in popular culture. Escobar’s murderous Medellín cartel was most ruthless in the 1980s and 90s – but this century alone, the Colombian druglord and politician’s biography has inspired numerous books, Hollywood films, the Netflix series Narcos, and even the title of Kanye West’s 2016 album Life of Pablo. The new Spanish language series Dear Killer Nannies, however, manages to find a new and unexpected way into the life of an archetypal villain, which focuses very little on the bloodshed that has made his life so ripe for movies and television. In terms of genre, the show – co-created by Escobar’s son Juan Pablo Escobar – is far more coming-of-age than action.

Instead of following the usual beats that mark Escobar’s rise, fall and eventual death (during a shootout with Colombian special forces), our way into the story is seven-year-old Juan Pablo, also known as “Juampi”. Juampi is sweet, sensitive and soft around the edges in the way most boys are before being exposed to the ravages of patriarchy. We meet Juampi as his head bobs above the surface of a lake, beaming and soaking up the sun, when a speedboat zooms into frame, headed straight for him, causing him to panic. The boat swerves at the last minute, narrowly avoiding him. Enter: Juampi’s “nannies”. These are associates of his father, who double as childcare while he’s out of the country attending to cartel business. What could possibly go wrong in such an arrangement?

Plus: qualifying for the World Cup with no more than two wins, a 20-0 victory and scratching a 34-year itch

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“ The Bundesliga table shows Bayern Munich on 70 points with an eye-popping goal difference of +72,” pops Chris Fryer. “Has any club won the league with a greater goal difference than points tally?”

Bayern Munich have won 22 and lost one in the Bundesliga this season. That was a 2-1 defeat against Augsburg , which means their 22 victories have produced a goal difference of +73. In other words, their average margin of victory is an absurd 3.32 goals.

0.388 Rangers 1898-99 (Scottish First Division)

0.353 Hearts 1957-58 (Scottish First Division)

0.200 Liverpool 1895-96 (Second Division)

0.176 Ajax 1966-67 (Eredivisie)

0.09 Birmingham 1892-93 (Second Division)

• Skinner’s side spent £5.88m while Arsenal spent £11.3m

• United face Bayern in Champions League on Wednesday

Manchester United’s wage bill was about half that of their Women’s Super League rivals Arsenal’s last season, their latest financial accounts have revealed, highlighting the stark contrast in spending at some of England’s biggest clubs as they prepare for a decisive night of European action.

United, who finished third in the WSL last season, four points behind second-placed Arsenal, face Bayern Munich in the second leg of their Champions League quarter-final on Wednesday, while Arsenal travel to Chelsea, after they qualified for the competition with hugely different budgets.

• Governing board faces claims of blocking international pathway

• Parent says LD players are ‘quietly put to one side’

The England and Wales Cricket Board has been accused of allowing non-disabled players to participate in its Disability Premier League, blocking the pathway to international cricket.

The parents of Jai Charan and Alex Jervis – both former England internationals who have diagnosed learning disabilities – say their sons have been replaced in the DPL by players who do not meet the disability criteria under the ECB’s assessment process.

Calls for tougher laws as network stretching from Caribbean to Georgia generates riches for offshore tycoons by appearing to prey on the vulnerable

Immaculately groomed and beaming from ear to ear, Andres Markou looks every inch the golden boy of the gambling sector. The youthful boss of MyStake, a fast-growing digital casino, has been pictured shaking hands with the Brazilian football legend Ronaldinho over a lucrative branding partnership.

Elsewhere, he can be seen collecting industry awards, or offering “visionary” insights to interviewers. There is only one hurdle blocking Markou’s ascent to the very top of his trade: he does not exist.

Two-thirds of teenagers are still on social media platforms included in the ban, according to the eSafety commissioner

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When the age assurance technology trial released its final report before Australia’s under-16s social media ban came into effect last year, its first finding was: age assurance can be done privately, efficiently and effectively.

Four months since the ban came into effect, we can say that was – to paraphrase Yes Minister – a courageous statement.

Rolling coverage of the latest economic and financial news

• Middle East crisis live: Trump claims war will end in ‘two or three weeks’; Rubio says US should ‘re-examine’ Nato relationship

• Cost of living: how to prepare for the ‘awful April’ shower of bill increases

European stock markets are set to rally when trading begins in around 30 minutes, reports Emma Wall , chief investment strategist at Hargreaves Lansdown:

“Markets paint an optimistic picture this morning – choosing to believe the optimism from the White House that the war in Iran will be over in a couple of weeks. US President Donald Trump yesterday announced that he saw the war ending within a couple of weeks, and that he would be addressing the nation with further details later today.

This was enough to propel the S&P 500 into a relief rally, up 2.9%, the best day for the market since May last year. Asian markets have continued the optimism early today, with the Hang Seng in Hong Kong up nearly 2%, and the Nikkei in Japan jumping 4.56%. European futures are also looking positive, with markets in the UK, France, Germany and Italy set to open up.

This is a fast-moving situation, and our update is based on assumptions that the Straits of Hormuz opens within 2-3 weeks and energy production in the Middle East returns to normal within a year

As one of the UK’s energy intensive and most globally connected sectors, food and drink manufacturing is unusually exposed to these shocks, with cost pressures on multiple fronts hitting the industry at once